Cheating causes heartbreak and emotionally damages the affected spouse. So why would a husband put his wife through that? We answer this question Why men cheat after marriage? 10 reasons why men cheat on their wives.
A man’s bad decision to cheat doesn’t just hurt his wife, but it can also ruin years of happiness and trust that was built in the relationship; making his spouse question everything. A cheated woman often feels devasted and goes through a lot of emotional pain.
If you have ever been cheated on by your husband, learning why won’t just help you gain closure, but it may protect you from future heartbreak and give you the strength to potentially walk away from the marriage if you need to.
How Common Is It For Men To Cheat After Marriage?
While men and women have been known to cheat in relationships, statistics show that more men have confessed to having affairs after marriage. Husbands are 7% more likely to cheat than their wives.
Do All Men Cheat After Marriage?
Infidelity in romantic unions and infidelity is often attributed to men, which has given rise to the question if all men cheat. There are statistics published by Trustify on men who confessed to infidelity that answer this.
- 55% of men who have cheated on their wives did so with five or more people.
- 32% of men met the person they cheated with online.
- 23% of cheating men agreed that the main cause of the affair was a lack of passion in relations with their women.
While there is no rational enough explanation for why someone will betray their wife, it is not all men that cheat; just a majority of them do it because they want to.
What Are The Signs That A Man Is Cheating After Marriage?
There is no mistake that is not too big to not be forgiven in a relationship, but infidelity ruins a relationship, shatters trust, and scars the victim for life.
Although you may not have been able to catch it on time or prevented it before it happened, there are still some signs that let you know that your husband’s eyes are wandering. Read them below:
1. People Around You Notice
If people around you have reported how your partner is always gravitating towards someone you didn’t know about, it could be a sign of a cheating man. But, you must confront him and know the whole truth before you conclude anything.
2. Certain Things Don’t Add Up
When a man cheats, you’ll know because his actions don’t add up with what he’s saying, and it can alarm you. You’ll also notice changes in routines. Once he starts lying, it will be difficult to keep up with the act.
3. He Becomes Irritable
If he gets irritated a lot, this may be because he is becoming impatient and maybe finding interest in someone else. You’ll also notice a reduction in how much effort he puts into your marriage.
4. He Is More Withdrawn
He goes from wanting to be around you all the time, to becoming emotionally disconnected and detached.
5. They Start Withholding Information
You start having a difficult time getting full information from him about things like his whereabouts or the people he is hanging out with.
10 Reasons Why Men Cheat On Their Wives
When your spouse cheats, you may find yourself haunted by the question, ”Why does this happen?” “why do married men cheat?” “why would he cheat?”
The questions become longer and more hurtful to ponder if it is not just a fling he had, but something he’s been doing consistently for a while now. Finding your husband in a series of long-standing affairs can leave you wondering about his reasons for seeking companionship outside your marriage.
If this is you, trying to find answers can make you go crazy. Instead, read these 10 reasons why men cheat on their wives to gain some clarity.
1. Marital Problems
If your relationship is more stressful than rewarding, a husband may cheat; hurting you even when it’s not your fault. Financial problems, frequent arguments, poor compatibility, lack of communication, and other marital problems can make him need an escape from the marriage.
2. His Needs Are Not Met
Men cheat when they find out something is lacking in their marriage. They could feel that they are not getting everything they want from the relationship, emotionally, sexually, or romantically. As such they’ll find people who can fill this void.
3. Emotional Immaturity
Men typically have a lot of reasons why they have affairs outside their marriages. Emotional immaturity is the most common reason why males cheat physically and emotionally possess.
Your husband simply lacks the time, commitment, and energy to work through core challenges within his marriage. The men that take this route, instead of working things out with their wives, harm their spouse, others, themselves, and their families too.
4. Distant Relationships
If a couple is not in the same location or one of them is always travelling for work, then there is a tendency that the man will cheat. This will mainly be because there is a lack of emotional connection between the two of you and he is craving attention from someone else to help him get over his loneliness.
5. They Want Out Of The Marriage
Sometimes when men cheat after marriage because they want out of that relationship, and that is their first step toward ending things. Men are less likely to have difficult discussions with their spouses about their own needs and the relationship.
If they want a way out of the marriage, they pick cheating as a means to an end. They’re done with the marriage, and rather than have that talk, they’ll settle for an affair.
6. He Feels Unattractive To You
Men can’t take all the blame when it comes to cheating in a marriage. Most times they’ve cheated on their wives, it’s because they felt unattractive to you.
You were probably nagging them a lot about their looks and pining after other men that you felt looked better than they did. They’ll feel underappreciated and find someone else who won’t treat them with contempt.
7. Because They Can
Most men do not care for the consequences of cheating or how disrespectful it is to you, and just do it because they can without being held accountable for it. They’ll stay out late, get drunk with friends, and sleep with other women simply because they can.
Having boundaries they should know better than to cross, dressing “sexy” attending prayers, and doing all the good wife duties in this world, won’t stop a cheating man.
Once again, you must look towards yourself to know why your husband cheated on you. The truth is, if you’ve hurt your partner before by cheating on him, he may want you to feel the same hurt or betrayal he did, by getting back at you.
Also if you constantly disrespect him or you’ve been controlling in the marriage, he will probably lash out by going after someone else. This is an unhealthy way to resolve issues, yes, but maybe communicate and ensure the two of you don’t ever exceed your boundaries in the relationship.
9. Risky Circumstances
Some situations have a higher chance of ending in cheating, like heavy drinking. Alcohol and other recreational drugs may impair his judgement and make him impulsive. This doesn’t make him less accountable for his actions, but it can be a factor that causes cheating.
10. They Become Disillusioned With The Marriage
Men cheat after marriage because they thought that life would be fantastic after marriage. They and their wife would be together, spend as much time as they needed, had enough sex, and just be in their little worlds.
Then suddenly, life happens. There is work, financial responsibilities, and children. Suddenly all that pleasure fizzles out and replaced with resentment.
What To Do When A Man Cheats After Marriage
So, your husband’s cheated on you and you’ve found out the reasons why he could have done something like that. What is the next step for you? This part discusses what to do when a man cheats after marriage.
1. Accept That It Is Not Your Fault
Nobody in this world can make another person cheat, people cheat because they want to. It is his fault that he cheated and not yours.
So many things influenced his behaviours, but don’t beat yourself up if he is unfaithful to you. You deserve better than a cheating man, do not lose sight of that.
2. Take Time To Heal
One way to regain confidence and a sense of self-control is to focus on you instead of him. This may mean taking time away from him to process what happened. Doing this helps you feel better about yourself and ensures that you can discuss the affair when you’re both in a better headspace.
Cater to your needs by taking a trip for the weekend, where you just focus on your hobbies or spend quality time with friends to cater to your needs.
3. Talk To Him About His Infidelity
Get him to be honest about the real reason he cheated, no matter how bad it is, and how it’s broken your relationship.
You can set boundaries for how detailed you want the information he gives you to be. This may be hard, but try to understand him too, getting overly emotional will impede any chances you have of making rational decisions and make you easier to manipulate.
Decide where and when the conversation happens, the duration it lasts, and what topics are discussed. If he wants to control it, you can say “Your decision to cheat impacted me, I feel it’s my turn to take charge of my life and have this conversation on my terms.”
Also, tell him how you feel about his affair when having that talk with him. Be assertive and make sure he gets your point.
4. Gauge His Willingness To Change
Just don’t assume he won’t cheat on you again. Cheating is a very deep issue and the roots run even deeper. When he is explaining himself try to understand the “why” behind his actions. For all you know, an affair may just be a small part of much larger issues like disconnection from self, and from the marriage.
And if he is not willing to make the necessary changes, but is instead dismissive of how hurt you feel, then there is no more chance of that marriage being healthy again. No caring partner will do this for you.
5. Decide If You Want To Stay Or Leave
Staying or leaving is entirely dependent on your husband’s willingness to commit to making changes and atoning for their bad behaviour. They have to put in the effort or the marriage may never work again.
You could choose to not accept the break in trust and opt to walk away from the marriage. Or stay and two of you will find ways to make your relationship feel whole again.
Whatever you decide to do, you have all the power and you’re more in control than you think. Do not let anyone take that away from you.
Things You Should Know About Men Cheating After Marriage
Now that you’ve gained some clarity about why men cheat after marriage, the next step of this journey would be to confide in a therapist or a trusted friend. They will work you through what needs to be done until you can work out something that suits your marriage.
Before we leave you, these are some things you should remember:
- Men cheat because of unresolved issues with the marriage and not having their needs met. This may be because they feel the marriage is one-sided.
- They cheat because they want to and not necessarily because they did something wrong.
- Don’t blame yourself if you’ve been cheated. No matter how bad the marriage got, there is no excuse for betraying your spouse, especially if they’ve not had a conversation about it with you.